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Rachel, 19.

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edenidoigo:

whalegod:

tell me a secret

One time during class my drama/english teacher, who’s a devout vegan and all about not killing animals, accidentally stepped on a ladybug. He froze up and slowly cradles it in his hand and he was so heartbroken and started quoting Hamlet.

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that it was a red m&m.

radgreasersharkmanhashtaghellyea:

licentious-babe:

vines that only get good in the last 2 seconds are the best

"ooo!"

orocarni-mountains:

particlecollisions:

particlecollisions:

Self defence sprays that are legal to carry and use in the United Kingdom

Image 1: Farbgel
Image 2: StoppaRed

I’ve seen a lot of people (mostly women, for reasons which may be obvious) speaking about being worried when going out, be it alone or even with friends, both in the day and at night. I know that a lot of female friends of mine carry around a can of antiperspirant or a pot of pepper to use if they’re ever attacked. What I know a lot of people don’t realise is that there are products out there which work in a violent situation and help in catching the assailant for the best part of a week afterwards.

Known as ‘criminal identifiers’, these sprays are brightly coloured dyes which can be sprayed in the face of an attacker. Unlike things such as CS or Pepper sprays, criminal identifier sprays are legal in the UK.

There’s a few available on the market, with farbgel and Mace’s Stoppared being the mostly highly recommended.

What these sprays do is release a sticky, brightly coloured dye. It’s difficult to wipe away and stains the skin a bright red colour. No matter how hard an attacker might try to remove it from their skin and clothing, the staining typically lasts for around a week and doesn’t even start to fade until after a few days have passed.

Unlike CS and Pepper sprays (which, again, aren’t legal in the UK) criminal identifier sprays don’t cause irritation or pain to an attacker. Instead, they expand and clog up the area sprayed with a kind of sticky foam that’s difficult to wipe away. It should give you enough time to escape and report someone whose face resembles a baboon’s arse to the police.

Each can of the sprays costs around £10 each, though it may be cheaper when buying multiple canisters and if you shop around.

FarbGel 

StoppaRed UV Personal Attack Self-Defence Spray by Mace

This is an original post, but I’ve released it into the public domain. It can be shared, altered, reposted in whole or in part with no need for attribution (though obviously I would appreciate it!)

cc @misandry-mermaid

It should give you enough time to escape and report someone whose face resembles a baboon’s arse to the police.

That’s brilliant

ofgeography:

so here’s a fun story about this movie. guess who loves this movie? me! i do! i love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i saw “first wives club 2” on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAH!! FIRST WIVES CLUB TWO!! NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUEL!!!

here’s the synopsis for first wives club 2:

disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbands’ new lovers under their wing.

sounds great, right? awesome viewing material for a precocious 11-year-old.

so i buy this movie, and like, three minutes into it i’m starting to feel suspicious?? like it’s really low quality and my girls are nowhere in sight?? how come none of the first wives are the same?? how come they’re alone in a bedroom with mood lighting?? why is she taking off her shirt?? why are they both taking off their shirts?? WHY ARE THEY—

here’s what i did not know about first wives club 2:

  • it is a lesbian porno of no relation to the beloved 1996 classic.

so of course i, horrified that i’ve accidentally bought porn on my family’s account (and in that state of panic that kids work themselves into whenever anything regarding sex is mentioned), quickly shut off the TV and go upstairs and watch an episode of veggie tales to like, cleanse my soul and apologize to jesus, and that’s that.

EXCEPT, OF COURSE:

  • you have to pay for pay per view.

so the end of the month comes and i have completely put this incident out of my mind, haha, i accidentally bought porn, how funny, TELL NO ONE. right? and i’m sitting at a nice dinner with my mother, my stepfather, and my very religious aunt deb, and we’re just talking about farm things, whatever, when suddenly my mother puts her fork down and says, “okay, there’s something we need to discuss. as a family.”

  • AS A FAMILY.

and i’m like, running through a list of people i know who could conceivably be dead, and fantasizing about my mother announcing that she’s going to buy me My Own Computer Just Because U Earned It Kiddo, and she pulls out a piece of paper that says DIRECTV across the top. and i’m like: OH NO.

"i received the tv bill today," my mother said, and i was like, shoveling potatoes into my mouth as fast as i could because i knew that when i went to PORN PRISON they weren’t going to feed me this kind of quality starch. "does anybody want to tell me who purchased the pornography?"

as a reminder, a quick table survey:

  • my mother, surprised and disappointed by the porn bill (innocent)
  • my stepfather, a grumbly old cowboy who just wants to sing along to kenny chesney and watch the hunt for red october (innocent)
  • my aunt deb, a super religious catholic whose best friend is a nun named Sister Placid (innocent)
  • me, the 11-year-old with a mouthful of potatoes who definitely purchased the lesbian pornography

silence.

my mother said, “i’m not going to ask again.”

silence.

my aunt looked at my stepdad. my stepdad looked at my aunt. NOBODY LOOKED AT ME, THE 11-YEAR-OLD WITH A MOUTHFUL OF POTATOES WHO DEFINITELY PURCHASED THE LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY.

my mother shook her head and put the bill down. “this was incredibly inappropriate,” she said. “skip, deb, whoever. buy that shit on your own time. i’m not paying for it. what if molly had seen it?”

  • WHAT IF MOLLY HAD SEEN IT?

"don’t expose my kid to that crap."

  • DON’T
  • EXPOSE
  • MY KID
  • TO THAT CRAP

"if you want to watch porn, fine, but do it in private and don’t expect me to pay for it. i can’t believe one of you did that in the living room."

  • I CAN’T BELIEVE ONE OF YOU DID THAT
  • IN THE LIVING ROOM

but molly, why didn’t you own up to it and explain that it was an accident?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • i did not want to go to porn prison

the fun conclusion to this story is that i never owned up to it, which means that there are 3 people in the world who have not solved the mystery of the lesbian porn. a quick survey:

  • my mother, who lives every day wondering whose porn she paid for
  • my stepfather, who probably wishes he knew less about his wife’s sister’s porn preferences
  • my aunt, who probably wishes she knew less about her sister’s husband’s porn preferences

but molly, why don’t you own up to it now, with the safety of time and distance and the knowledge that porn prison isn’t real?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • this is the best thing i’ve ever done

foxnewsofficial:

one time i walked in on my mum using the family computer to search youtube for “videos of cute owls” and every time i think about it i almost cry my eyes are welling up right now that is so adorable i love my mum